Ok my l’il doggies this is the start of an amazing adventure, for the next 33 days i will be driving 6 brazilian metalcore playing musicians around Europe.

It hasn’t got off to the best start though…..

So lets start at my first working day, Monday. I have to pick the van up at 1 i get there at 2. I have to get home (with the van) by 3 i dont start driving it until 5. I really need to start the journey to Holyhead ferry terminal to meet the band by, its 9.30 and i just had dinner. Right so none of this is a disaster i am driving an 18 foot van filled with t shirts and bunk beds for the band in the dark through mountainous Wales (i am sure wales has more than one mountain) (snowdon in case you were wondering) in poring rain and howling winds but i’ll get there before the band arrive at 5.45 am.

Its a shame the pilot of the ferry was blind or something because he couldn’t get it in the port for another 15 1/2 hours.


So it is now the 6th November, it’s been interesting, I haven’t been able to write for a while the job of driver for a band is pretty tiring but I will give a synopsis of what I remember.


What fun place to drive, it reminded me off London in the ’90s. Parking is impossible I saw 5 cars towed so I stayed. In the van. This gave  me my first clue of things to come. I sat in the van for a total of 36 hours for security, it never occurred to them I may need the toilet. After the gig the band got invited back to a fans house while I was parking they went in, not telling where it was. Again the shape of things to come.

Although it was funny when the band returned to the van – seems there was only room for one band at the fans house and they weren’t it……

The next day was a. Day off, so we drove to 


For me the best venue yet, a massive club on the outskirts of a village near the border of Sweden, France and Germany easy parking and a market nearby.

The band of course wanted to go into town, they eat well even if they don’t want to pay for a hotel so we went to town, and parked where they could get wifi. No incidents here and the gig went well

Now we get to Barcelona.

This is the mostterrifying place I have ever driven, including Vegas it has roundabouts that aren’t, traffic lights that don’t go green and lanes that make no sense.  However we got there nice and early and the gig went well. The tour manager didn’t think of getting me into the venue but the driver for the other band did, so I got to usethe toilet and have my first wash since England,  still no shower though. 

Of course as soon as the gig is finished the TM wakes me insisting we drive immediately to the next venue – this is a common theme. 

Oh I forgot the drama at the ferry port, and back at the yard with the broken van it turns out I have been given a van with a few faults, like tail lights and a horn that doesn’t work. So we have about 6 hours of pathetic wrangling and eventually the TM agrees he will continue with the van if it is fixed and he gets some money back, I finally lay my head down to sleep after 40 hours awake. 1 hour later I am woken we must go now, we are already late, the TM has booked a ferry for 3am and it 1.30 ( it’s a 3 hour drive) this is in spite of being told I have had no sleep for 2 days and this leads us back to paris. Oh the horn still doesn’t work, nor does the central locking and one of the lights has failed. The jury-rigged system that incident get to check. I have learnt from that. 

Right back to the timeliness, somehow in Barcelona we have had a change of plan, the three gigs that we weren’t going to we are now, but that’s OK it puts me back in madrid where I plan to meet a friend 

I shall write more about these later as finally I am legally parked and can go have a shower.

Ps pictures from this great adventure are on my Facebook page.

ok l’il doggies, last post was about how i have a plan. 


life just went “WELL, thats NOT happenin'” 


i was going to make a post about the possible vehicles for a potential driving tour of europe and africa. seems i am going to have to shelve those for a while. 


but you know what? (what? i hear you ask in high pitched breathy voice) i am still working on it, so because of timing i guess its going to have to be put back a year, the money i was going to save is probably going to be used up on life in general (AGAIN! Grrrr) but that just means more time to plan. 

~On the going to america front, well I had a good chat with a friend who will do what he can to help – short of sponsoring (or marrying) me, which is great. another friend is prepared to be my wife, as long as i work like a dog – which i do so no problems there. 

Personally my favorite choice is via my dear mother who though she now lives in the uk does have  green card and resident alien status, so i am hoping that will work best – though last time i looked that was £600 sterling, so its on hold for now. Also i ahve lost her phone number. which sucks.

life goes on but plans are on hold. however i feel much happier than i did a while ago. life really is better with a plan.

hi L’il Doggies,


after noticing my last 10 million posts have been “gods but i am miserable” i decided enough is enough. so i came up with a plan. its just the outline of a plan right now. but it is a plan

ok lets go. 

the plan is one of two things. either i go travelling round continental europe or move to america (and travel there) it basically depends on my attempt to get a green card for america. if that works the mony saved for travelling goes to moving over the the usa. . if not then i go driving around anywhere i can get to with a vehicle.

i have considered savings, vehicle and work for the travelling bit. usa well i am hoping shounld i get a green card i can find someone to help me out with a bed and stuff –  though obviously that will change. 


so things to find out. 

1. where i can drive to 

2. costs of driving wherever i can drive to

3.legalities like insurance and roadworthiness tests abroad. 

4 work. like casual work not proper weekly pay stuff. 

5 whatever i havent though of. 

life is so much better when you have some kind of goal. 

i am planning to do this on my own, but should chance provide me with an available logistical fetishist who can cope with me(like thats going to happen twice in alifetime) they are welcome to join in. 




i will keep you informed with progress. if i remember 

i just wrote yet another sad monologue and wordpress couldn’t even be bothered to save it or post it.
not sure if i will write any more here. it feels like crying at a party

gets me thinking

When i was younger the way my friends would of described was “reckless” i had no fear and would try anything. If only i had slightly broader  horizons, sadly the choices i made seemed to make my horizon closer and my choices narrower now i find myslef olde r and wanting adventure i ask myslef “but how”

i have spent years working on adventure, finding some but not THE adventure or atl east not the adventure i am looking for, but i am getting close, i finally understand the how. just do it.

ok here goes. I have been thinking a lot about what to write about, things that have been on my mind for a few weeks, relationships, friendship. bravery and cowardice, choices  and unintended consequences.

I have written a previoous blog that when written i pretty much immediately updated, so i am going to do that with this one, or add anothe right after. i have learnt not to make promises.

the thing is i dont know how to start it, do i talk aobut me? (and my inability to type) yea i think so, but where to begin? with a something a friends sent me a few years ago, it was a badge i have since lost but i remember the essence of it


” i had given up on love, but then she bought me drink”


i haven’t given up on love but i have given up on something else. not love exactly, but finding “the love” or the one if you prefer. htere are lot of people out there that love me and i know a good few people that have found their “one” , some are better than others but who am i to judge? I have 3 children by two mothers both of whom have gone on too have children by other people,


I feel burnt out, beaten. the place i am now i see no chance of meeting a partner someone to share my life with and have no desire  for another person there just to lay next to me after.

i have friends, amazing friends who keep me bouyed up, but most of  them are so far away, when i need physical contact ts just isnt there.

this is the part about choices, some years ago i chose to let those friends who werent “real” drift away. thing is i guess a lot of my friends did the same thing at the same time now i find i have very few friends here. where i live. so i feel lonely even though its not justified, i get on with almost every one i socialize with. but they don’t know me. And i have ffriends that do! friends that are worlds away.

thats the part i cant say right.



A very good friend of mine posted this just now. i wanted to share it.

i have been struggling for a few weeks about what to write about, the subject was there but i didn’t know how to start it.

who we used to be

when i was younger i was afriad of nothing, when i go sonwhere for the first time, i always assume i won’t be going back so i don’t care what people think of me, and they like me, so i go again. then i start to worry and things go wrong.

i am going to edit this but i want to post it real quick so i can share it before the magic is gone.

thank you Tamara for posting this and reminding me of who i used to be and what music can do, time to buy a music system i think


I am going right back to this because i cannot explain the how i felt i listened to 2 tunes that i remember strongly from my childhood. And she was, talking heads. which along with a LOT of aother talking heads was a major influence on me, and who i cae to be. And this

pretty sure the link isn’t going to show, but thats another of my favorite tunes of all times (with the lyrics)  and it upset me right up to the VERY ,last line.  then it was one of my favorites again. if you know me you know why.

Thank you again Tamara, I am going to burn down a house now.